Bill Gates suddenly dies and finds himself
face to face with God. God stood over Bill Gates and said, "Well Bill,
I'm really confused on this one. It's a tough decision; I'm not
sure
whether to send you to Heaven or Hell. After all, you helped
society
enormously by putting a computer in almost every home in
America, yet you
also created that ghastly Windows '95 among other
indiscretions. I
believe I'll do something I've never done before;
I'll let you decide
where you want to go."
Bill pushed up
his glasses, looked up at God and replied, "Could you
briefly
explain the difference between the two?" Looking slightly
puzzled, God
said, "Better yet, why don't I let you visit both places
briefly,
then you can make your decision. Which do you choose to see first,
Heaven or Hell?"
Bill played with his pocket protector for a
moment, then looked back at
God and said, "I think I'll try Hell f
irst." So, with a flash of
lightning and a cloud of smoke, Bill
Gates went to Hell.
When he materialized in Hell, Bill looked
around. It was a beautiful
and clean place, a bit warm, with sandy
beaches and tall mountains, clear
skies, pristine water, and beautiful
women frolicking about. A smile
came across Bill's face as he took
in a deep breath of the clean air.
"This is great," he thought, "if
this is Hell, I can't wait to see
heaven."
Within seconds
of his thought, another flash of lightning and a cloud
of smoke
appeared, and Bill was off to Heaven. Heaven was a place high
above the
clouds, where angels were drifting about playing their harps
and
singing in a beautiful chorus. It was a very nice place, Bill
thought, but not as enticing as Hell.
Bill looked up, cupped his hands
around his mouth and yelled for God
and Bill Gates was sent to Hell
for eternity.
Time passed, and God decided to check on t
he late billionaire to see
how he was progressing in Hell. When he
got there, he found Bill Gates
shackled to a wall in a dark cave
amid bone thin men and tongues of fire,
being burned and tortured by
demons.
"So, how is everything going?" God asked.
Bill
responded with a crackling voice filled with anguish and
disappointment, "This is awful! It's nothing like the Hell I visited the first
time!! I can't believe this is happening! What happened to the other
place....with the beaches and the mountains and the beautiful
women?
"That was the demo," replied God.
A pilot, Michael Jordon, Bill Gates, the Pope, and a pizza delivery man were all in a plane together traveling through stormy conditions. Suddenly, the pilot came running back to the passengers and announced that lightning had hit the plane, and they were going to crash in a matter of minutes. "There are only enough parachutes for four of the five of us," he announced. "Since I'm the pilot, I get one!" After saying this, the pilot grabbed a parachute and jumped out of the plane. "I'm the world's greatest athlete," proclaimed Michael Jordon. "This world needs great athletes, so I must live." Michael Jordon then grabbed a parachute and leaped out of the plane. "I'm the smarest man in the world," bragged Bill Gates. "The world needs smart men, so I must also live!" Bill Gates grabbed a parachute and jumped out of the plane. At this point, the Pope began to speak. "I have lived a long life compared to you, and you may take the last parachute. I will go down with the plane." "You don't have to stay here! The world's smartest man jumped out of the plane with my backpack."
Q: What does a proud computer call his little son? A: A microchip off the old block.
Q: What happens if you cross a midget and a computer? A: You get a short circut.
An office technician got a call from a user. The user told the tech that her computer was not working. She described the problem and the tech concluded that the computer needed to be brought in and serviced. He told her to "Unplug the power cord and bring it up here and I will fix it." About fifteen minutes later she shows up at his door with the power cord in her hand.
A person turned on the computer without a keyboard plugged in. When she turns on the computer, the computer finds out that there is no keyboard attached and it gives a "Keyboard Error" message. She then asks "Why did it give me a keyboard error? There isn't even a keyboard attached?
While trying to diagnose a problem over the phone I told the user to type out his autoexec.bat file. He said it said "File not found". I told him to do a dir. I asked him if he saw autoexec.bat listed. He said, "Well it says autoexec, then there's some spaces, but no dot, and then it says bat." I said type this in "type autoexec.bat". Again he got "File not found". I asked him to tell me exactly what he typed. He said, "I typed just what you told me: `type autoexecdotbat'.
Webster's Dictionary definition of Windows 95 Windows95: n. 32 bit extensions and a graphical shell for a 16 bit patch to an 8 bit operating system originally coded for a 4 bit microprocessor, written by a 2 bit company, that can't stand 1 bit of competition.
Why did the school bully kick the classroom computer? Someone told him he was supposed to boot up the system.
The Three Laws of Secure Computing 1) Don't buy a computer. 2) If you do buy a computer, don't plug it in. 3) If you do plug it in, sell it and return to step 1.
1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 
A pilot, Michael Jordon, Bill Gates, the Pope, and a pizza delivery man were all in a plane together traveling through stormy conditions. Suddenly, the pilot came running back to the passengers and announced that lightning had hit the plane, and they were going to crash in a matter of minutes. "There are only enough parachutes for four of the five of us," he announced. "Since I'm the pilot, I get one!" After saying this, the pilot grabbed a parachute and jumped out of the plane. "I'm the world's greatest athlete," proclaimed Michael Jordon. "This world needs great athletes, so I must live." Michael Jordon then grabbed a parachute and leaped out of the plane. "I'm the smarest man in the world," bragged Bill Gates. "The world needs smart men, so I must also live!" Bill Gates grabbed a parachute and jumped out of the plane. At this point, the Pope began to speak. "I have lived a long life compared to you, and you may take the last parachute. I will go down with the plane." "You don't have to stay here! The world's smartest man jumped out of the plane with my backpack."
Q: What does a proud computer call his little son? A: A microchip off the old block.
Q: What happens if you cross a midget and a computer? A: You get a short circut.
An office technician got a call from a user. The user told the tech that her computer was not working. She described the problem and the tech concluded that the computer needed to be brought in and serviced. He told her to "Unplug the power cord and bring it up here and I will fix it." About fifteen minutes later she shows up at his door with the power cord in her hand.
A person turned on the computer without a keyboard plugged in. When she turns on the computer, the computer finds out that there is no keyboard attached and it gives a "Keyboard Error" message. She then asks "Why did it give me a keyboard error? There isn't even a keyboard attached?
While trying to diagnose a problem over the phone I told the user to type out his autoexec.bat file. He said it said "File not found". I told him to do a dir. I asked him if he saw autoexec.bat listed. He said, "Well it says autoexec, then there's some spaces, but no dot, and then it says bat." I said type this in "type autoexec.bat". Again he got "File not found". I asked him to tell me exactly what he typed. He said, "I typed just what you told me: `type autoexecdotbat'.
Webster's Dictionary definition of Windows 95 Windows95: n. 32 bit extensions and a graphical shell for a 16 bit patch to an 8 bit operating system originally coded for a 4 bit microprocessor, written by a 2 bit company, that can't stand 1 bit of competition.
Why did the school bully kick the classroom computer? Someone told him he was supposed to boot up the system.
The Three Laws of Secure Computing 1) Don't buy a computer. 2) If you do buy a computer, don't plug it in. 3) If you do plug it in, sell it and return to step 1.
1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 |