The patient: Tell me, is it true that alcohol decreases blood pressure? Doctor: Yes, that is true. P: And, is it true that coffee increases blood pressure? D: Yes, that is also true. P: So, in average, I live normally.
Jack: "My brother was sick and went to the doctor." John: "Is he feeling better now?" Jack: "No, he has a broken arm." John: "How did he break it?" Jack: "Well, the doctor gave him a prescription and told him no matter what happened, to follow that prescription. And the prescription blew out of the window." John: "How did he break his arm?" Jack: "He fell out of the window trying to follow the prescription."
Doctor: "Good news you passed your hearing test!" Patient: "HUH"
"Doctor, doctor!" said the panic-stricken woman, "my husband was asleep with his mouth open, and he's swallowed a mouse! What shall I do?" "Quite simple," said the doctor calmly. "You just tie a lump of cheese to a piece of string and lower it into your husband's mouth. As soon as the mouse takes a bite haul it out." "Oh, I see. Thank you, doctor. I'll go around to the fishmonger straight away and get a cod's head." "What do you want a cod's head for?" "Oh- I forgot to tell you. I've got to get the cat out first!"
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