A little boy walked down the aisle at a wedding. As he made his way to the front, he would take two steps, then stop, and turn to the crowd, alternating between the bride's side and the groom's side. While facing the crowd, he would put his hands up like claws and roar. And so it went-step, step, ROAR, step, step, ROAR-all the way down the aisle. As you can imagine, the crowd was near tears from laughing so hard by the time he reached the pulpit. The little boy, however, was getting more and more distressed from all the laughing, and he was near tears by the time he reached the pulpit. When asked what he was doing, the child sniffed back his tears and said, "I was being the ring bear."
A husband and wife entered the dentist's office. The husband said, "I want a tooth pulled. I don't want gas or Novocain because I'm in a terrible hurry. Just pull the tooth as quickly as possible." "You're a brave man," said the dentist. "Now, show me which tooth it is." The husband turns to his wife and says, "Open your mouth and show the dentist which tooth it is, dear."
An accountant is having a hard time sleeping and goes to see his doctor. "Doctor, I just can't get to sleep at night." "Have you tried counting sheep?" "That's the problem - I make a mistake and then spend three hours trying to find it."
A lawyer with insomnia consulted her doctor. "Which side is it best to lie on?" she asked. "The side that pays your fee," replied the doctor.
Three men: an editor, a photographer, and a journalist are covering a political convention in Miami. They decide to walk up and down the beach during their lunch hour. Halfway up the beach, they stumbled upon a lamp. As they rub the lamp a genie appears and says "Normally I would grant you three wishes, but since there are three of you, I will grant you each one wish." The photographer went first. "I would like to spend the rest of my life living in a huge house in St. Thomas with no money worries." The genie granted him his wish and sent him on off to St. Thomas. The journalist went next. "I would like to spend the rest of my life living on a huge yacht cruising the Mediterranean with no money worries." The genie granted him his wish and sent him off to the Mediterranean. Last, but not least, it was the editor's turn. "And what would your wish be?" asked the genie. "I want them both back after lunch" replied the editor, "the deadline for tomorrow's newspaper is in about ten hours.
Why do women have smaller feet than men? - It allows them to stand closer to the sink.
How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart? - She starts her sentence with "A man once told me..."
Why are teachers happy at Halloween parties? Because there's lots of school spirit!
What did the really ugly man do for a living? He posed for Halloween masks.
Q: Why doesn't the dinosaur cross the road anymore? A: Because their eggs stink. (They're extinct)
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